How Not to Ask a Girl to Homecoming: Accidentally

Guys, you know how it goes. You try and get a feel for the territory before asking a girl, right? That’s how this anecdote started out.

So I have a bit of a green thumb, but I’ve never gotten a girl flowers before (well, at least at the point of asking a girl), so the idea hit me.  Instead of getting her a bouquet of flowers that would die in a week, I got a small potted plant. It’ll live longer plus its a little easier to conceal in my locker.

It was the big day. At the last minute, my intuitions were telling me, “You know… This doesn’t quite feel right.”

So end of the day. I believe it was a Friday, so I thought it’d be good to bring my little plant home with me. I get it out of my locker and almost get away, but guess who spots me walking with flowers? Yeah, that girl that my gut just told me not to ask to homecoming.

“Who are those for?” she asked.

Pause. Gentlemen, you have two choices here: “no one” and “uhhhhh you?”

Guess what I chose? It wasn’t “no one.”

“No one” would have been a much better option because they were actually for no one at this point.

Then begins the train wreck in the middle of the hallway.

“So who are those for”

“…Uhh errm uh You?”

“What?”

“What?”

*awkward silence as we stare at each other*

“I was asking you to homecoming?”

    “You are?”

“Yes?”

    “Umm… I don’t know” *Runs away at a quick pace*

Here I am with flowers after that and I turn around, and I don’t know where they came from, but it seems like 90% of the girls from my class are just staring me with dropped jaws, all equally confused.

“What just happened?” they asked.

    “I have no idea,” I said.

Can’t you all just feel the awkward?

So gentlemen, what is the lesson here?

It’s all or nothing. Don’t kinda half ask. In fact, don’t use kinda.  Be strong and confident in your word, laddy!

Learn and laugh from my experiences, Homecoming is right around the corner. January 17, 2014.